Tuesday, May 5, 2015
A Brown Heart
Dear Heavenly Father,
Well, my time is up. 18 months have come and gone. 18 months in which I promised to give you my all, represent your Son, and wear His name proudly.
I can´t help but laugh when I think about what I used to say. That school was more important. Remember how mad I would get when others hinted at the idea of a mission? Not required, not expected, not for me.
But you knew my heart.
I think Nauvoo is when you first lit the flame. And as time passed by, with a comment here, and a special moment there, you kindled the fire within me. Little by little until you dumped on the whole gallon of propane with that famous announcement of October 2012. But you never rushed me. You let me go at my pace. To study, pray, investigate, and analyze every solution, every possibility. And when I was ready. When I was willing. When I was humble after the long process. You let me know what you had planned for me all along. Thank you for that Easter morning. Thank you for those Jerusalem bird songs. I have cherished that moment for these past 18 months.
And so the girl who always said no, said yes. And look at what´s happened since.
Use whatever metaphor you´d like. Refiners fire or a pruning gardener, I´m not the same as I was. What seemed like so much time turned out to be so little when filled with the experiences that you´ve given me. And now I find myself begging for more. Not wanting to go home. Denying the idea that there could be anything better than working in your vineyard.
I´ve met people and I´ve loved them. They've changed me and I hope I could help them in return. I've learned a language, a culture, new music, food, and candy. My heart arrived here Caucasian, but It´s going home brown. And after all that has been said and done, the lessons, the contacts, prayers, and testimonies; I just have one question left for you.
Did I do okay?
Did I do what you had planned for me to do? Did I use your sacred time as you wanted? I messed up a lot, I know. And I´m sorry for that. But I did what I could. I put all I had on the altar. Was it enough?
I know you wont be able to tell me until I see you again, but I hope I can hear you say, "Yes"... or even better, "Sí." But until that day comes I want you to know that I´ll keep working. You´ve made me a tool in your hands and I want to stay that way forever. I´ll go where you want me to go, do what you want me to do, BE what you want me to BE. I´m not perfect, I don´t even feel good; but I´m trying and I´m asking you to help me.
Don´t let me forget them. Don´t let me forget this time. Let it burn forever in my little brown heart. And if it´s not too selfish of me, don´t let them forget me either.
Your servant and daughter, forever and always,
Hermana Eden Lance
"Un relevo como misionero de tiempo completo es un llamamiento como misionero de toda la vida."